The other day, I was in the parking lot of some strip mall when out of the corner of my eye I saw the moon, a huge big beautiful glowing milky smooth thing, about 7 times larger than it usually looks. Instantly, a huge wave of primal relief and joy washed through me. Finally, my big beautiful moon! I was home at last!
Then I turned my head and realized it was just a big round white lighted sign for some restaurant. Disappointment! I have always felt the moon, the real moon that is, was just too small. While other people have gazed up and commented on how beautiful and large the moon is, I can't help but inwardly scoff. I have always felt there is just something wrong with that little bitty marble they call the moon. It's way too damned small! But it wasn't until I mistook that restaurant sign for the moon, that sign that was big and beautiful like the real moon should look like, that I realized the depth of that feeling. It is a true longing, but for what I don't really understand.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Sunday, August 5, 2012
His Name was Air Ice
I was somewhere on the side of a hill in a dry desert chaparral area when I saw a large dust devil or small tornado. I became fascinated. Logically, I knew it was big enough to be potentially dangerous, but I approached anyway, slowly and cautiously. As I approached, the spinning action seemed to intensify until it really did look like a small but intense tornado, maybe 3 feet across. I felt fear but still I did not run.
After a short while of watching, the tornado straightened and stayed in one place and I continued to stare at it, fascinated, wondering which direction it would lead next. I wanted to investigate it but not actually get run over by it. But how to predict a tornado!
I continued to watch, and as it stayed in one place, very straight and powerful now, I had a strange and illogical feeling that it was actually watching me too! The feeling intensified and eventually I allowed that the tornado might be sentient in some way and it seemed that it was also curious. It had a powerful intensity of watchfulness to it.
Then the tornado disappeared and in its place was a very handsome man. I knew the man was another manifestation of the tornado, but still I could not help but appreciate the appearance of the man. He was about 5'10" white, medium build, well muscled, about 23, with strange fine white medium length (for a man) hair and a relaxed confident air. Except for his hair and extreme handsomeness, he looked very normal. He wore jeans with a leather belt and no shirt, as he stood calmly and observed me. I had the sudden idea that his name was "Air Ice," which seemed a very cool and profound name at the time.
He was very handsome but I knew he was also the tornado and still felt some threat from him. On his side, I felt he wanted to convey to me that he was still a threat and would attack me. I tried to maintain confidence and think of ways to defend myself, although I could think of nothing in particular. Soon his attack came and it was like something was wrapping around my legs. Planning to fight my way out, I looked down and his legs were wrapping around my legs as if they were snakes. I planned to pull them off but Air Ice made it known that his legs were infinitely stretchy and long and could not be defeated. I glared at him and this time I saw that while his body position was still the same, his legs were actually missing as they were instead now attacking me instead of being under him. Only his upper body 'stood' there now looking calmly at me, apparently not need the legs for actual support, but instead just hanging there in midair. I stopped fighting the sinuous legs knowing he spoke the truth, that they could not be fought. For whatever reason, I believed what he said, but at the same time somehow I maintained illogical confidence that I would win anyway, even though I did not know how. I was defiant.
Then his attack stopped, his 'legs' returned to the rest of his body, and the sense of threat from him stopped. We talked as friendly acquaintances a little bit about a few things, but I can't remember what now. But I do not have the feeling it was about anything super exciting. Then he left and as he was walking away, I got the sudden feeling/insight that he was a guide.
Perhaps the main lesson here was to have confidence in your success even if you can't yet see how you will accomplish it.
After a short while of watching, the tornado straightened and stayed in one place and I continued to stare at it, fascinated, wondering which direction it would lead next. I wanted to investigate it but not actually get run over by it. But how to predict a tornado!
I continued to watch, and as it stayed in one place, very straight and powerful now, I had a strange and illogical feeling that it was actually watching me too! The feeling intensified and eventually I allowed that the tornado might be sentient in some way and it seemed that it was also curious. It had a powerful intensity of watchfulness to it.
Then the tornado disappeared and in its place was a very handsome man. I knew the man was another manifestation of the tornado, but still I could not help but appreciate the appearance of the man. He was about 5'10" white, medium build, well muscled, about 23, with strange fine white medium length (for a man) hair and a relaxed confident air. Except for his hair and extreme handsomeness, he looked very normal. He wore jeans with a leather belt and no shirt, as he stood calmly and observed me. I had the sudden idea that his name was "Air Ice," which seemed a very cool and profound name at the time.
He was very handsome but I knew he was also the tornado and still felt some threat from him. On his side, I felt he wanted to convey to me that he was still a threat and would attack me. I tried to maintain confidence and think of ways to defend myself, although I could think of nothing in particular. Soon his attack came and it was like something was wrapping around my legs. Planning to fight my way out, I looked down and his legs were wrapping around my legs as if they were snakes. I planned to pull them off but Air Ice made it known that his legs were infinitely stretchy and long and could not be defeated. I glared at him and this time I saw that while his body position was still the same, his legs were actually missing as they were instead now attacking me instead of being under him. Only his upper body 'stood' there now looking calmly at me, apparently not need the legs for actual support, but instead just hanging there in midair. I stopped fighting the sinuous legs knowing he spoke the truth, that they could not be fought. For whatever reason, I believed what he said, but at the same time somehow I maintained illogical confidence that I would win anyway, even though I did not know how. I was defiant.
Then his attack stopped, his 'legs' returned to the rest of his body, and the sense of threat from him stopped. We talked as friendly acquaintances a little bit about a few things, but I can't remember what now. But I do not have the feeling it was about anything super exciting. Then he left and as he was walking away, I got the sudden feeling/insight that he was a guide.
Perhaps the main lesson here was to have confidence in your success even if you can't yet see how you will accomplish it.
Friday, May 18, 2012
3 Weird Dreams, Likely Symbolic, Probably Boring
Two nights ago, I alternated between 3 dreams repeatedly. I imagine they probably meant something as they were each very intense, but what they may mean is open to interpretation and as well, they may mean many things on many levels. I'm writing them here so I won't forget. Ironically, I can't remember which dream came first so I will just go from least interesting to the really weird one at the end.
I was at a school, somewhat similar to my old elementary school, and walking around outside on a busy street similar to a busy street that was in front of my old elementary school. There was some issue about directions and catching the bus and getting home or getting somewhere. I was on the corner waiting and a bit confused. Then a bicycle rode by without any rider. It was moving by itself, which even in a dream, I thought rather odd and interesting, so I chased it down and grabbed it.
Between the handle bars, instead of a person, was stretched something that looked like fabric, white in the back with a dark patch in the middle. I interpreted it to be some kind of symbol or sign that gave information. I spent some time studying the bicycle and wondering why/how it could move by itself. I jumped between the other dreams and this dream of the bicycle a few times, repeating parts of it several times, until in the last segment of the episode, I concluded that the bicycle was some kind of fundraising vehicle that was sent out on automatic to gather funds for a project. It even seemed like I had found some kind of written note to that effect somewhere in a small area of the stretched white fabric. It occured to me that if that was the case, then I should then let the bicycle go on about its way now that it was 'explained' and its purpose was somewhat important.
The 2nd ongoing dream also had me in a school, but it seemed more like how my old kindergarten school used to be. All the other kids were in the classroom studying but I felt like that stuff they were learning was boring and too easy and I knew that stuff anyway, so I elected to stay outside and follow around a teacher that was doing something outside, even though on some level I felt that was kind of a bad lazy thing to be doing.
The teacher was walking around the building doing this and that and I was basically tagging along and chatting a bit. Then he said he had figured out a new shape for a knife that was different than the old shape and that he hoped it might work better. He seemed excited about the new idea. The new shape was a bit rounder near the hilt and longer and thinner at the tip. He had me stick out my leg, which was bare, and he scraped the knife along the leg at some black squiggly things on the leg that looked like hair, but they did not seem to be affected by the knife. Then he scraped harder at one and it seemed to become more exposed and easy to see, but it would not scrape away. He seemed disappointed that the new design did not work better and that we would just have to continue on at the same rate as previously and that was OK too. This dream too, kept jumping in and out with parts repeating, until finally the end with new knife and then the dream ended for good.
The last dream, the last segment of which was the last dream I had before waking, involved a room that was reminiscent of several of my old bedrooms with white furniture. At first, water was attempting to rush out of a big cracked and mangled corner of the room. Water would rush and seep through mangled cracks, but a large box was stuck in the crack. There was much consternation by someone that was around that this thing/box was stuck and being stuck was bad. Who was the upset person? I did not feel, ironically, that it was me, just someone around the area at first as if there was someone just out of my visual field. Also, I had a vague impression of some kind of wailing or groaning made by someone, and that the water was contaminated and the walls were being rotted and contaminated by the process.
Next was several segments in which the water appeared to be going the opposite direction, this time rushing in from the crack. The water seemed fairly clean and there was only a little bit of staining around the edges of the mangled wall parts. I remember watching many times as water came in through these cracks and fissures in the wall and I got the impression that it was overall a good thing.
Then finally, I looked behind me to see the rest of the room. There on the other side of the room was a giant humanlike fetus thing. It was basically human shaped but about 3 or 4 times too big to have been of a human. It was also like part flesh and part skeleton as if the flesh part was not done yet and in some places, like on the hands, the skeleton was still exposed because the concept of the flesh was not fully formed. Or like the flesh was more of a concept superimposed over a different structure underneath. It was creepy looking and there was a kind of wailing or moaning coming from the area around it. It thrashed in a strange relaxed way and light and mist seemed to swirl and flicker around it. For some reason, I kept looking at the hands where the flesh concept didn't quite cover over the skeletons fingers. Then I woke up.
I was at a school, somewhat similar to my old elementary school, and walking around outside on a busy street similar to a busy street that was in front of my old elementary school. There was some issue about directions and catching the bus and getting home or getting somewhere. I was on the corner waiting and a bit confused. Then a bicycle rode by without any rider. It was moving by itself, which even in a dream, I thought rather odd and interesting, so I chased it down and grabbed it.
Between the handle bars, instead of a person, was stretched something that looked like fabric, white in the back with a dark patch in the middle. I interpreted it to be some kind of symbol or sign that gave information. I spent some time studying the bicycle and wondering why/how it could move by itself. I jumped between the other dreams and this dream of the bicycle a few times, repeating parts of it several times, until in the last segment of the episode, I concluded that the bicycle was some kind of fundraising vehicle that was sent out on automatic to gather funds for a project. It even seemed like I had found some kind of written note to that effect somewhere in a small area of the stretched white fabric. It occured to me that if that was the case, then I should then let the bicycle go on about its way now that it was 'explained' and its purpose was somewhat important.
The 2nd ongoing dream also had me in a school, but it seemed more like how my old kindergarten school used to be. All the other kids were in the classroom studying but I felt like that stuff they were learning was boring and too easy and I knew that stuff anyway, so I elected to stay outside and follow around a teacher that was doing something outside, even though on some level I felt that was kind of a bad lazy thing to be doing.
The teacher was walking around the building doing this and that and I was basically tagging along and chatting a bit. Then he said he had figured out a new shape for a knife that was different than the old shape and that he hoped it might work better. He seemed excited about the new idea. The new shape was a bit rounder near the hilt and longer and thinner at the tip. He had me stick out my leg, which was bare, and he scraped the knife along the leg at some black squiggly things on the leg that looked like hair, but they did not seem to be affected by the knife. Then he scraped harder at one and it seemed to become more exposed and easy to see, but it would not scrape away. He seemed disappointed that the new design did not work better and that we would just have to continue on at the same rate as previously and that was OK too. This dream too, kept jumping in and out with parts repeating, until finally the end with new knife and then the dream ended for good.
The last dream, the last segment of which was the last dream I had before waking, involved a room that was reminiscent of several of my old bedrooms with white furniture. At first, water was attempting to rush out of a big cracked and mangled corner of the room. Water would rush and seep through mangled cracks, but a large box was stuck in the crack. There was much consternation by someone that was around that this thing/box was stuck and being stuck was bad. Who was the upset person? I did not feel, ironically, that it was me, just someone around the area at first as if there was someone just out of my visual field. Also, I had a vague impression of some kind of wailing or groaning made by someone, and that the water was contaminated and the walls were being rotted and contaminated by the process.
Next was several segments in which the water appeared to be going the opposite direction, this time rushing in from the crack. The water seemed fairly clean and there was only a little bit of staining around the edges of the mangled wall parts. I remember watching many times as water came in through these cracks and fissures in the wall and I got the impression that it was overall a good thing.
Then finally, I looked behind me to see the rest of the room. There on the other side of the room was a giant humanlike fetus thing. It was basically human shaped but about 3 or 4 times too big to have been of a human. It was also like part flesh and part skeleton as if the flesh part was not done yet and in some places, like on the hands, the skeleton was still exposed because the concept of the flesh was not fully formed. Or like the flesh was more of a concept superimposed over a different structure underneath. It was creepy looking and there was a kind of wailing or moaning coming from the area around it. It thrashed in a strange relaxed way and light and mist seemed to swirl and flicker around it. For some reason, I kept looking at the hands where the flesh concept didn't quite cover over the skeletons fingers. Then I woke up.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
The Place That Sounds Like Aum
For much of my life, I considered the whole concept of sitting cross legged with a few fingers pinched together chanting 'ohm,' or 'aum' to be really rather quite a silly thing altogether. Sometimes tradition can get rather weird and I could see no benefit to making such a pose and speaking such a noise. The concept of meditation itself made some potential sense to me but many of the trappings did not. Therefore, I doubt I had even once seriously considered that the sound 'aum' might have any significance whatsoever. To me, it was just some silly tradition.
Then one night something changed. Sometime in my early 30s I think it was, I had a weird dream experience. In the dream, I was at a place where there was a deep intense vibration. The vibration penetrated everything, and although intense, it was also strangely relaxing. It made you want more of it. In a way, the vibration was the experience but yet it was so much more than just a mere sound. Somehow, it was all the sounds of 'ohm' at once, the 'o' sound and the 'm' sound as well, all at once constantly. And forever and always was/is.
In this place/experience, I somehow just KNEW that this place, this ohm thing, was the foundation, the underneath of everything, it was that which was underlying all things. It was the underpinnings. I saw in my mind a kind of flat plane that goes on forever and a kind of gridwork that spreads out across space. The plane was flat yet it also slightly pulsed and vibrated. But I suspect this was just my conceptualization of it but not particularly how it might actually look, if it even has any real appearance to it such that light waves project to us here on Earth. I saw and experienced this for a while, and then I woke up.
Since that day, I have a new found respect for 'Aum.' Later research on the internet showed me that Aum is sometimes called 'the Primordial Vibration.' That seems a good name for it, although my only quibbling dislike about those words is that they in some ways imply that the Aum is in the past. I am sure that is not right. The Aum place is definitely in the now. I am sure it is down there right now underneath everything. You just can't quite remember it right now, but if you were to shift your consciousness just so, then you would remember it again.
In some traditions, aum is considered symbolic of this or that or whatever. I found I wanted to totally ignore all that talk. To me, Aum is the sound of that place/time/experience that underlies all things. It seems now obvious to me the word Aum is used because that is the sound you hear when you are there. There is so much more to that place/time/experience but perhaps the sound is the easiest for a couple of simple little Earth based brain cells to understand. Most of the rest of the Aum experience/place either can't really be understood well by the Earth brain cells or can't easily be put into words. I am sure that others have gone to that place/experience as well and they heard the same thing as me and Aum is such the obvious name for that place that many of them likely called it the same thing. They knew this sound was important somehow, this primordial vibration called Aum.
Personally, I don't know if actually chanting the sound really has much impact. Making the sound is not the same thing as that place. Or maybe the replicated sound could carry the tiniest little fraction of that place, a tiny influence on the psyche or a tiny reminder of what is underneath. A tiny of fraction of a very powerful thing could actually be more than a tiny thing after all. In that way, maybe it does have some effect. And maybe you get more of whatever you focus on, even if your focus is dim. And maybe it will work if you believe it will work because belief itself has incredible power. So believe on! , all you folks who believe. Because belief has power and now that I've been there, That Place That Sounds Like Aum is, imo, a pretty darned cool place indeed!
Then one night something changed. Sometime in my early 30s I think it was, I had a weird dream experience. In the dream, I was at a place where there was a deep intense vibration. The vibration penetrated everything, and although intense, it was also strangely relaxing. It made you want more of it. In a way, the vibration was the experience but yet it was so much more than just a mere sound. Somehow, it was all the sounds of 'ohm' at once, the 'o' sound and the 'm' sound as well, all at once constantly. And forever and always was/is.
In this place/experience, I somehow just KNEW that this place, this ohm thing, was the foundation, the underneath of everything, it was that which was underlying all things. It was the underpinnings. I saw in my mind a kind of flat plane that goes on forever and a kind of gridwork that spreads out across space. The plane was flat yet it also slightly pulsed and vibrated. But I suspect this was just my conceptualization of it but not particularly how it might actually look, if it even has any real appearance to it such that light waves project to us here on Earth. I saw and experienced this for a while, and then I woke up.
Since that day, I have a new found respect for 'Aum.' Later research on the internet showed me that Aum is sometimes called 'the Primordial Vibration.' That seems a good name for it, although my only quibbling dislike about those words is that they in some ways imply that the Aum is in the past. I am sure that is not right. The Aum place is definitely in the now. I am sure it is down there right now underneath everything. You just can't quite remember it right now, but if you were to shift your consciousness just so, then you would remember it again.
In some traditions, aum is considered symbolic of this or that or whatever. I found I wanted to totally ignore all that talk. To me, Aum is the sound of that place/time/experience that underlies all things. It seems now obvious to me the word Aum is used because that is the sound you hear when you are there. There is so much more to that place/time/experience but perhaps the sound is the easiest for a couple of simple little Earth based brain cells to understand. Most of the rest of the Aum experience/place either can't really be understood well by the Earth brain cells or can't easily be put into words. I am sure that others have gone to that place/experience as well and they heard the same thing as me and Aum is such the obvious name for that place that many of them likely called it the same thing. They knew this sound was important somehow, this primordial vibration called Aum.
Personally, I don't know if actually chanting the sound really has much impact. Making the sound is not the same thing as that place. Or maybe the replicated sound could carry the tiniest little fraction of that place, a tiny influence on the psyche or a tiny reminder of what is underneath. A tiny of fraction of a very powerful thing could actually be more than a tiny thing after all. In that way, maybe it does have some effect. And maybe you get more of whatever you focus on, even if your focus is dim. And maybe it will work if you believe it will work because belief itself has incredible power. So believe on! , all you folks who believe. Because belief has power and now that I've been there, That Place That Sounds Like Aum is, imo, a pretty darned cool place indeed!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Reverse dream II
Last month, I had another example of a weird memory that doesn't belong in this world. Perhaps it can all be blamed on the fever. I had the flu for several days and was feverish and tired. I was moving from a lit room into the dark bathroom when it occured. As I shut the bathroom door behind me, I didn't bother to turn on the bathroom lights. Because I 'knew' that the house technology would automatically turn on the lights in any room that I entered. Except it didn't work and I was left standing in the dark. At first, I was surprised to see the system had not worked properly. Such failures are rare and I wasn't sure what to do about it. Then I realized, "Oh yeah, it doesn't work like that here, you have to turn on the lights yourself. Silly me!" Where did I get that weird memory from? It's not something I have ever experienced in this world.
Radiation
I've been here several years now, in this new place, and I'm starting to fit in, or at least a feel like I am. I know what to do now, I'm a useful member of society and they seem to accept me. I stay here in a room at the place of one of the native families, probably so they can keep an eye on me and make sure that I am what I say I am. That seems to be the custom here as a matter of course. Newcomers are placed with established families and stay with them long term as they work for their new society. This are a distrustful society.
Personally, I have no problem with this place but I can't really say I love it either. It's just that I had no place to go and here has worked out for me. I have a good job and a good place to stay and it's been a nice stable environment. They seem to find me useful and if I stay here long enough, they will likely eventually let me have a place of my own. It's only a matter of time, sticking to the job, and staying out of trouble. It's a pretty good life really.
Down the street, another one of the newcomers is also staying. He hasn't been here as long as I have, but he's been generating a great deal of interest because of the new science and technology he has brought with him. At first he just did small experiments but the leaders of this society were very impressed by it, some kind of chemical based technology that generates energy. The main problem is that the technology also generates radioactivity.
People here in this society have little understanding of the dangers of radioactivity. He has tried to explain to them but they just don't get it or they just don't want to get it. They are too excited by the benefits of the technology to want to think about the dangers. I on the other hand have seen some of the damage it's done in other places. I don't understand it either but I do understand that it is dangerous and the expansion of the experiments makes me uneasy. I don't think even he understands fully what he is doing, but the urge to fit in and the excitement of this new society of his both serve to urge him forward with his experiments. There is tremendous pressure on him to do more.
Where before he had only tiny palm sized plastic dishes for his experiments, now he has expanded the experiments to huge wood pallets full of the chemical spread out all across the deck of the house he is staying in. The wood is stacked high and I observe from a distance. Worry gnaws at me and my worst fears are realized when I hear an aweful cracking noise. The deck has collapsed and the wooden pallets on top have fallen to either side! Fearing that radiation is surely escaping now, I run away as fast as I can to the administration building to alert those in charge.
By the time I get there, the place is already in an uproar. People are running around in a panic, some in confusion, others trying to figure out what to do, and still others are found seemingly intent only on proclaiming how right there were that such technology should not have have been undertaken in the first place. Those few had been protesting all along and now their worst fears have been proven right. However, instead of looking fearful or horrified, these few seem perversely happy and justified, as if the chance to be proven right could be actually more important than the safety of their own society. Could they have been involved in the disaster themselves, perhaps to sabotage the experiments and be proven right?
Watching the milieu, I feel frustrated and sick inside. I realize no one knows what to do because there is nothing to be done. My own knowledge of the radiation tells me the only thing that can be done is to run away. It's every man for himself and since my heart never truly belonged to this society, it's an easy decision for me to decide to run. Know the winds blow to the south, I run hard and fast to the north. But all the while, I still cannot be hopeful. Because the winds are not reliable. Eventually they will shift back and the radiation will blow this way too. And I can only go a little to the north before I must stop. Because this land is an island and there is no way off. Eventually the winds will shift, bringing the radiation with it, and then we will all die. One after another.
Personally, I have no problem with this place but I can't really say I love it either. It's just that I had no place to go and here has worked out for me. I have a good job and a good place to stay and it's been a nice stable environment. They seem to find me useful and if I stay here long enough, they will likely eventually let me have a place of my own. It's only a matter of time, sticking to the job, and staying out of trouble. It's a pretty good life really.
Down the street, another one of the newcomers is also staying. He hasn't been here as long as I have, but he's been generating a great deal of interest because of the new science and technology he has brought with him. At first he just did small experiments but the leaders of this society were very impressed by it, some kind of chemical based technology that generates energy. The main problem is that the technology also generates radioactivity.
People here in this society have little understanding of the dangers of radioactivity. He has tried to explain to them but they just don't get it or they just don't want to get it. They are too excited by the benefits of the technology to want to think about the dangers. I on the other hand have seen some of the damage it's done in other places. I don't understand it either but I do understand that it is dangerous and the expansion of the experiments makes me uneasy. I don't think even he understands fully what he is doing, but the urge to fit in and the excitement of this new society of his both serve to urge him forward with his experiments. There is tremendous pressure on him to do more.
Where before he had only tiny palm sized plastic dishes for his experiments, now he has expanded the experiments to huge wood pallets full of the chemical spread out all across the deck of the house he is staying in. The wood is stacked high and I observe from a distance. Worry gnaws at me and my worst fears are realized when I hear an aweful cracking noise. The deck has collapsed and the wooden pallets on top have fallen to either side! Fearing that radiation is surely escaping now, I run away as fast as I can to the administration building to alert those in charge.
By the time I get there, the place is already in an uproar. People are running around in a panic, some in confusion, others trying to figure out what to do, and still others are found seemingly intent only on proclaiming how right there were that such technology should not have have been undertaken in the first place. Those few had been protesting all along and now their worst fears have been proven right. However, instead of looking fearful or horrified, these few seem perversely happy and justified, as if the chance to be proven right could be actually more important than the safety of their own society. Could they have been involved in the disaster themselves, perhaps to sabotage the experiments and be proven right?
Watching the milieu, I feel frustrated and sick inside. I realize no one knows what to do because there is nothing to be done. My own knowledge of the radiation tells me the only thing that can be done is to run away. It's every man for himself and since my heart never truly belonged to this society, it's an easy decision for me to decide to run. Know the winds blow to the south, I run hard and fast to the north. But all the while, I still cannot be hopeful. Because the winds are not reliable. Eventually they will shift back and the radiation will blow this way too. And I can only go a little to the north before I must stop. Because this land is an island and there is no way off. Eventually the winds will shift, bringing the radiation with it, and then we will all die. One after another.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Dragon's Death
I peered around from behind the cement pillar, looking for the enemy. I sensed danger around me and became concerned that we had been found out. My clan leaders were inside the building I was guarding and there should have been no enemies here. They should not have known our location, yet we had already found one enemy scout and suspected several others were near. This was not good. I had a bad feeling, but to move without caution now could easily mean my death. As had happened many times in the past, I was in a life and death struggle to find the enemy and kill him before he found me.
My surroundings appeared to be ordinary every day modern day buildings, one several stories tall cement building inside of which my superiors were currently working, some flat parking areas around me, a tall cinder block wall in front, other buildings and a sparsely used roadway beyond, and several large rectangular well manicured grass areas along the road. It all seemed so normal but I knew danger lurked at every corner.
Eventually, I made my way back to one of my superiors near the building and we discussed the situation. We felt we were in considerable danger with our important people still inside the building, so few of us guardians present, and our location likely now known by the enemy. We could easily be overwelmed if we were not careful, but my superior offered me one solution.
He informed me that I could turn into a dragon! I immediately agreed and the next thing I knew, I was a dragon, not the lithe and sinuous creatures of Chinese legend, but instead a huge thick bodied brute of a creature with huge arms, slashing claws, and dark grey green scales. And somehow, despite the obvious problems of gravity and physics, I could even fly!
I sent out my dragon mind and sound found I knew the locations of nearby enemy agents. Now in my huge beast body, I easily descended down upon each one of them and slashed them down to death in seconds. No more did I need to sneak and scurry for my life. Now I could simply pound anyone to death in seconds using my huge scaly dragon arms and claws. I felt a great freedom from fear and a great pleasure in the new simplicity of executing my tasks quickly and efficiently and without fear. Thus, were the 3 or 4 nearby enemy agents dispatched and then I flew up and grasped onto the side of a nearby building to think and survey the area further.
Indeed, I could fly but it was not an easy task. I found I had to concentrate every second of the time in order to keep myself aloft and not crash into some nearby obstacle by mistake. My heavy dragon body was difficult to control in flight and it seemed that gravity and momentum were only just barely compensated for at any given time. Thus I found that I could not effectively think about anything other than flying during times of flight. And so I had to aloft on the side of the building in order to consider what next I should do.
At first as I sat there clutching some curly cue ornamental stone work on one corner of the building, I felt the job had thusfar been strangely too easy. It seemed almost a waste to have had so little to do and such an easy task for such a great and powerful body as the dragon. But then I let my mind stretch out further beyond my immediate surroundings and I realized my task was far from over.
There beyond the tall cinder block wall, arrayed out on top of a structure that looked like the top of a parking garage, were many many scores of the enemy. They lay in wait as part of a trap set for us. They only awaited the order for when to move on us, maybe 100 or 120 of them total, a large allotment of resources even coming from a larger clan like themselves. They meant to crush us and they were putting out a lot of effort to do so.
Quickly, I met again with my immediate supervisor and he advised me of that which I already knew, that it would be my task and my task alone to slaughter those atop the parking structure. With so many of their resources there, he did not know if they would have weapons that would be able to harm me, but that would be a risk I would have to take.
Trying not to worry about danger to myself, danger that most likely I could do nothing about, I flew to the parking garage roof and starting killing as many as I could as fast as I could. At first, I killed by slashing down with my powerful claws and arms, ripping open flesh and crushing bones. But then I realized that some might survive such an assault. Any victim that lived would be another person that would come against us as a powerful enemy in the future, probably an even more dangerous enemy than they had been to start with, but yet I did not have time now to be checking each body to insure death as I had done with the few scouts I had previously killed. So I reasoned that the only way to insure death would be to rip each body into two parts, the lower half from the upper, a procedure that surely no one would survive.
And so, as much as I loathed it, I began to tear many of my victims in two. Unlike the simple pounding slash that I had previously used, the tearing caused the majority of the skin to come away on one specific side, like a sock coming off a foot, while the majority of the meat would slide out into the other half. The feeling in my hands was akin to yanking apart a large slimey lumpy sausage with a very thick and stubborn casing. This horrible feeling weighed on my mind as I performed each killing and I did my best not to think about it too much and instead concentrated on killing as fast as possible.
I had not time to lose because as I killed, I could sense the warriors at the edge of the hoard were not thinking of attacking me but instead were scattering in all directions like ants into the forest, running in many directions at once, blending back into society, not easily to be found again. It would be impossible for me to get them all, but I knew I had to get as many as possible. The killing proceeded for some time until all were dead or ran away.
After the slaughter, I returned to my supervisor and was advised not to return to the killing area again for some time. And indeed, I already felt a strange urge to return there again later, when everything was cleaned up again and the bright sun shined on the green grass and the blood had been mostly washed away. I longed to see the place in its natural state again without the bodies and death, but I was advised that the investigators would be monitoring the area for some time to come, hoping themselves that the perpetrator of the killing would come back to see his handiwork. And so I could not return for that reason. I could not give them even the slightest clue that it had been me.
But overall, my superiors were pleased. Most importantly, we had all survived. The enemies, it turned out, had no weapon to use against me and many of them had been killed. All my superiors had finished their business and escaped and we now blended back into the society around us. No one would know we were involved in the killing. The mission had been a success.
I slept for a while with a strange feeling of peace and security and eventually found myself awake in the now waking world of here. For several hours, I retained a strange feeling of grim determination, and I could still remember the power that had been in my great dragon arms and of the strange stubby wing protuberances that had been at my back. And I remembered the sickening feeling of the skin ripping off the human victims as I pulled them apart. And I tried not to think of it too much until finally the regular concerns of the day, getting gas, arriving on time for my appointments, finding lunch, finally pushed aside some of those dream memories.
My surroundings appeared to be ordinary every day modern day buildings, one several stories tall cement building inside of which my superiors were currently working, some flat parking areas around me, a tall cinder block wall in front, other buildings and a sparsely used roadway beyond, and several large rectangular well manicured grass areas along the road. It all seemed so normal but I knew danger lurked at every corner.
Eventually, I made my way back to one of my superiors near the building and we discussed the situation. We felt we were in considerable danger with our important people still inside the building, so few of us guardians present, and our location likely now known by the enemy. We could easily be overwelmed if we were not careful, but my superior offered me one solution.
He informed me that I could turn into a dragon! I immediately agreed and the next thing I knew, I was a dragon, not the lithe and sinuous creatures of Chinese legend, but instead a huge thick bodied brute of a creature with huge arms, slashing claws, and dark grey green scales. And somehow, despite the obvious problems of gravity and physics, I could even fly!
I sent out my dragon mind and sound found I knew the locations of nearby enemy agents. Now in my huge beast body, I easily descended down upon each one of them and slashed them down to death in seconds. No more did I need to sneak and scurry for my life. Now I could simply pound anyone to death in seconds using my huge scaly dragon arms and claws. I felt a great freedom from fear and a great pleasure in the new simplicity of executing my tasks quickly and efficiently and without fear. Thus, were the 3 or 4 nearby enemy agents dispatched and then I flew up and grasped onto the side of a nearby building to think and survey the area further.
Indeed, I could fly but it was not an easy task. I found I had to concentrate every second of the time in order to keep myself aloft and not crash into some nearby obstacle by mistake. My heavy dragon body was difficult to control in flight and it seemed that gravity and momentum were only just barely compensated for at any given time. Thus I found that I could not effectively think about anything other than flying during times of flight. And so I had to aloft on the side of the building in order to consider what next I should do.
At first as I sat there clutching some curly cue ornamental stone work on one corner of the building, I felt the job had thusfar been strangely too easy. It seemed almost a waste to have had so little to do and such an easy task for such a great and powerful body as the dragon. But then I let my mind stretch out further beyond my immediate surroundings and I realized my task was far from over.
There beyond the tall cinder block wall, arrayed out on top of a structure that looked like the top of a parking garage, were many many scores of the enemy. They lay in wait as part of a trap set for us. They only awaited the order for when to move on us, maybe 100 or 120 of them total, a large allotment of resources even coming from a larger clan like themselves. They meant to crush us and they were putting out a lot of effort to do so.
Quickly, I met again with my immediate supervisor and he advised me of that which I already knew, that it would be my task and my task alone to slaughter those atop the parking structure. With so many of their resources there, he did not know if they would have weapons that would be able to harm me, but that would be a risk I would have to take.
Trying not to worry about danger to myself, danger that most likely I could do nothing about, I flew to the parking garage roof and starting killing as many as I could as fast as I could. At first, I killed by slashing down with my powerful claws and arms, ripping open flesh and crushing bones. But then I realized that some might survive such an assault. Any victim that lived would be another person that would come against us as a powerful enemy in the future, probably an even more dangerous enemy than they had been to start with, but yet I did not have time now to be checking each body to insure death as I had done with the few scouts I had previously killed. So I reasoned that the only way to insure death would be to rip each body into two parts, the lower half from the upper, a procedure that surely no one would survive.
And so, as much as I loathed it, I began to tear many of my victims in two. Unlike the simple pounding slash that I had previously used, the tearing caused the majority of the skin to come away on one specific side, like a sock coming off a foot, while the majority of the meat would slide out into the other half. The feeling in my hands was akin to yanking apart a large slimey lumpy sausage with a very thick and stubborn casing. This horrible feeling weighed on my mind as I performed each killing and I did my best not to think about it too much and instead concentrated on killing as fast as possible.
I had not time to lose because as I killed, I could sense the warriors at the edge of the hoard were not thinking of attacking me but instead were scattering in all directions like ants into the forest, running in many directions at once, blending back into society, not easily to be found again. It would be impossible for me to get them all, but I knew I had to get as many as possible. The killing proceeded for some time until all were dead or ran away.
After the slaughter, I returned to my supervisor and was advised not to return to the killing area again for some time. And indeed, I already felt a strange urge to return there again later, when everything was cleaned up again and the bright sun shined on the green grass and the blood had been mostly washed away. I longed to see the place in its natural state again without the bodies and death, but I was advised that the investigators would be monitoring the area for some time to come, hoping themselves that the perpetrator of the killing would come back to see his handiwork. And so I could not return for that reason. I could not give them even the slightest clue that it had been me.
But overall, my superiors were pleased. Most importantly, we had all survived. The enemies, it turned out, had no weapon to use against me and many of them had been killed. All my superiors had finished their business and escaped and we now blended back into the society around us. No one would know we were involved in the killing. The mission had been a success.
I slept for a while with a strange feeling of peace and security and eventually found myself awake in the now waking world of here. For several hours, I retained a strange feeling of grim determination, and I could still remember the power that had been in my great dragon arms and of the strange stubby wing protuberances that had been at my back. And I remembered the sickening feeling of the skin ripping off the human victims as I pulled them apart. And I tried not to think of it too much until finally the regular concerns of the day, getting gas, arriving on time for my appointments, finding lunch, finally pushed aside some of those dream memories.
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