Friday, January 30, 2009


I was a soldier, standing on a hill, facing a dilemma. Several of my troops had gone and done something both brave and stupid, they had taken a chance, and now they were in trouble. It was left to me to decide, either go in and rescue them, or stay here and protect the rest of my troops. I was angry to now be in this position. Those soldiers should have known better, they should have been more careful. I had gotten away with many a trick manuever in my day, now I would be faced with one more attempt to defy logic. It would be risky, but I decided I would try my luck once again and go in after those who were in trouble.

I knew my own great skill in tactical decisions and quickly worked out the only possible plan, to split my troops into several guerrilla style detachments and try to sneak my way in and out while the others distracted the enemy. It would be extremely risky. I gave my orders and all of us wearing slightly varying shades of grey green colored army looking clothing, as if some of the dye lots had not quite matched, and with our older style rifles slung over our shoulders on shiny patent leather strap, headed out through the hilly forested land.

The plan was no sooner made then it began to unravel. My part of the group was taking heavy fire. There were far more enemy than I had predicted and no way we would reach our target. In helter skelter fashion, I gave the order to retreat. Not only was my rescue plan failed, but the rest of my troops were now in mortal danger. I knew it was all my fault. I had taken the same stupid risk that the guys I was trying to rescue had taken, but I had mistakenly allowed myself the hubris of thinking I could do it more effectively. As I ran bent over in an attempt to not get shot, I castigated myself for my stupidity.

I was in the lead and I kept trying to look back and see if the rest were following. I saw a few of my guys but felt sick inside knowing several in the back had probably already fallen and there was nothing I could do to help them. We were taking fire now from behind and the left side. A collapsing old stone wall protected us from fire on the right but there were probably enemy to the right as well. The situation was dire.

Moments later, I came around a low hill only to come face to face with 2 soldiers pointing their rifles directly at me. Several others backed them up from the left. All had their rifles aimed while mine was still pointing down from when I was running. There was no chance. I would die a failure and all my troops would die as well because of me. I bowed my head and tears welled fiercely in my eyes. Intense sorrow washed over me as I waited for death.

And it all went blank.


  1. Intense! I, too, have been at war. Reading your dream, I'm reminded of how strongly I acted against my logic within the dream. I didn't want to be part of the troop I was part of. This feeling I only rediscover in awake life when I totally act against what I truly want to do...
    Do you think yours was a walk through some past? Or do you think the dream was triggered by an outer force (maybe a movie) and reflected a feeling you haven't resolved, yet, about some issue? On first thought I'd say, it's death itself you are trying to fight there. If that makes sense.

  2. Are all your dreams like this, like stories taken from a stranger's life? Are you ever yourself in dreams?

    Very interesting - I'm usually myself in dreams, though I do sometimes switch perspectives and become someone else.

  3. Did this one haunt you?

    When I have dreams were people have lost their lives because I couldnt protect them, the guilt haunts my waking life for a few days afterwards.

  4. I really don't know if these are real or not. For a long time, I just accepted them as interesting. Maybe now that I am documenting them, I will take more notice and start looking for clues either way. Some of them do affect me. The strongest ones wake me up and I feel weird for a few hours. If I write the stories during those hours, I think they come out more intense. But I have had enough over the years that it doesn't torment me much. I may feel sad or affected by the story, but I don't feel it was me so I don't feel guilty. Also, I do have ordinary dreams in which I am myself. Those are rather boring and generally not very vivid.

  5. Have you ever got to feeling that you are travelling a sort of "astral library" when dreaming all those different types of dreams? A journey on which you can be all and learn from all.
    This is why I love dreams so much. They allow all facettes of being, no matter whether I have lived these things in this life or not. It still works.

  6. I really am not sure what is happening. I have decided to just explore and see what happens. Once thing for sure is it is weird to experience such different kinds of thoughts than what is in my normal life.

  7. Yes, it can be very weird. At the same time, during the dreams it can appear as a natural occurrance.
    This is Blues (The Eternal Years), by the way. ;-)


A1 Web Links Blog Directory Total Blog Directory Free Advertising

Lowes Coupon
How to Blog

Free Advertising