Sunday, September 16, 2012

Ribbon Realm of Black and White

There were two of us.  One was me, of course, but the other one was also me, somehow.  We were both me yet somehow also separate from each other and we were on a mission.  First was a briefing in which it was explained I was to retrieve myself from other worlds where I had gotten stuck in the past.  Apparently, I had gone to many worlds and in about 4 or 5 of those worlds or realms, I had gotten stuck and never came back.  I was still there even now and so I had to go and get myself out.   I remember thinking that 4 or 5 worlds wasn't too bad and I was happy that the number of retrievals still needed did not seem overly high.  I felt like I had been doing quite well to only have 4 or 5 stuck worlds!  The concept of me being stuck places but also having two of me here reminded me fleetingly of a really complex Dr. Who (a TV show about a time traveler) plot line.

After the briefing, I found myself looking at a barely visible natural looking scenery, similar to a wilderness scene at night.  Water seemed nearby like a river, but it was difficult to see clearly.  Overlaid on top of the scene as if a computer resided directly in my brain, was computer style writing and information, and at the top middle of my vision was a photo style image of a middle aged man with a slightly thin face and a friendly smile.  He was the one who needed retrieval but apparently was also somehow 'me.' 

The next thing I knew, I was traveling in a vehicle that reminded me vaguely of a horse drawn cart.  The movement was slow and methodical and someone else was driving it.  I spent my time sitting on top and looking out over the scenery, but it was dark and I was having trouble making it out clearly.  I concentrated.

Slowly, my vision became clearer but as it did, my field of vision shrank to a long thin horizontal ribbon, maybe 1/5 the normal width (which would really be height) that one would normally see as a human.  In addition, the range of sight was wider to the sides of my head than would normally be possible.  I got the impression that the narrowing of visual concentration would assist in perception. 

Slowly, I began to perceive more clearly patterns of light and dark reminiscent of trees and shadow.  Everything was black and white, shadow and light, moving this way and that, reminding me of things on Earth but not quite really anything you could put into words.  There were things there, many things that were like a natural environment similar to our forest and country side scenes, yet they were not exactly that either.  As my vision enhanced, I saw all parts of the scene as either black or white.  There was no grey.  A particular area where a slightly triangular area of white rhythmically shifted back and forth amongst the black particular caught my attention.

Slowly, a feeling of overwhelming awe and beauty built inside me. This place contained more beauty than I had ever seen before.  It was exquisite.  Intense emotion overwhelmed me.  I felt as if I was crying from the intense emotion, but that the concept of crying was just a description of what the emotional effect of the place was yielding in me.  It was the most beautiful place ever seen. 

Suddenly, I snapped awake in my own bedroom.  My physical body was not crying at all, to my surprise, but I did suddenly feel like I needed to pee.  I got up and realized I also had something that my mind immediately wanted to call 'a hard on' even though I am a female and such would not actually be possible.  There was an intense pleasurable sexual feeling emanating from just outside my body about where testicles would be if I were to have them.  It was very pleasant.  I was stumbling to the bathroom half asleep trying to think about how weird it all was.  When I got to the bathroom, I was further confused by the fact that only a little pee was actually present for release.  My body does not usually send false signals in that regard but it had this time.  I had not actually needed to pee but had only felt like I did.  Afterwards, the feeling of needing to pee as well as the feeling of the 'hard on' were both gone. 

I went back to bed, thought about it for a while, and then fell asleep.  I wonder if I failed my mission?       


Tuesday, August 14, 2012

City in the Valley, Reverse Dream

Often I hike on high trails along a nearby mountainside.  The other day, I was hiking along in an interesting kind of mood when I looked far down below me at the many houses in a small valley area, and I felt like scoffing.

"What kind fool builds their cities in totally unprotected valleys!?!"  I thought to myself!

"Surely they must realize how dangerous it is.  Then it occured to me, they must live in a time of unparalelled peace and prosperity to even consider a stunt like that!  Even those small peaks, as low as they are, would offer at least some protection from invasion and attack, and would be the logical place to build, but instead they have actually built their homes in the very depths of the valley!  Unbelievable!"

Then I shook my head and remembered building in the valleys is normal and everyone does it.  Or least that is what they do here.   

The Moon is TOO SMALL! Another Reverse Dream?

The other day, I was in the parking lot of some strip mall when out of the corner of my eye I saw the moon, a huge big beautiful glowing milky smooth thing, about 7 times larger than it usually looks. Instantly, a huge wave of primal relief and joy washed through me.  Finally, my big beautiful moon!  I was home at last!

Then I turned my head and realized it was just a big round white lighted sign for some restaurant.  Disappointment!  I have always felt the moon, the real moon that is, was just too small.  While other people have gazed up and commented on how beautiful and large the moon is, I can't help but inwardly scoff.  I  have always felt there is just something wrong with that little bitty marble they call the moon.  It's way too damned small!  But it wasn't until I mistook that restaurant sign for the moon, that sign that was big and beautiful like the real moon should look like, that I realized the depth of that feeling.  It is a true longing, but for what I don't really understand.     

Sunday, August 5, 2012

His Name was Air Ice

I was somewhere on the side of a hill in a dry desert chaparral area when I saw a large dust devil or small tornado.  I became fascinated.  Logically, I knew it was big enough to be potentially dangerous, but I approached anyway, slowly and cautiously.  As I approached, the spinning action seemed to intensify until it really did look like a small but intense tornado, maybe 3 feet across.  I felt fear but still I did not run.

After a short while of watching, the tornado straightened and stayed in one place and I continued to stare at it, fascinated, wondering which direction it would lead next.  I wanted to investigate it but not actually get run over by it.  But how to predict a tornado!

I continued to watch, and as it stayed in one place, very straight and powerful now, I had a strange and illogical feeling that it was actually watching me too!  The feeling intensified and eventually I allowed that the tornado might be sentient in some way and it seemed that it was also curious.  It had a powerful intensity of watchfulness to it.   

Then the tornado disappeared and in its place was a very handsome man.  I knew the man was another manifestation of the tornado, but still I could not help but appreciate the appearance of the man.  He was about 5'10" white, medium build, well muscled, about 23, with strange fine white medium length (for a man) hair and a relaxed confident air.  Except for his hair and extreme handsomeness, he looked very normal.  He wore jeans with a leather belt and no shirt, as he stood calmly and observed me.  I had the sudden idea that his name was "Air Ice," which seemed a very cool and profound name at the time.

He was very handsome but I knew he was also the tornado and still felt some threat from him.  On his side, I felt he wanted to convey to me that he was still a threat and would attack me.  I tried to maintain confidence and think of ways to defend myself, although I could think of nothing in particular.  Soon his attack came and it was like something was wrapping around my legs.  Planning to fight my way out, I looked down and his legs were wrapping around my legs as if they were snakes.  I planned to pull them off but Air Ice made it known that his legs were infinitely stretchy and long and could not be defeated.  I glared at him and this time I saw that while his body position was still the same, his legs were actually missing as they were instead now attacking me instead of being under him.  Only his upper body 'stood' there now looking calmly at me, apparently not need the legs for actual support, but instead just hanging there in midair.  I stopped fighting the sinuous legs knowing he spoke the truth, that they could not be fought.  For whatever reason, I believed what he said, but at the same time somehow I maintained illogical confidence that I would win anyway, even though I did not know how.  I was defiant.

Then his attack stopped, his 'legs' returned to the rest of his body, and the sense of threat from him stopped.  We talked as friendly acquaintances a little bit about a few things, but I can't remember what now.  But I do not have the feeling it was about anything super exciting.  Then he left and as he was walking away, I got the sudden feeling/insight that he was a guide.

Perhaps the main lesson here was to have confidence in your success even if you can't yet see how you will accomplish it.    

Friday, May 18, 2012

3 Weird Dreams, Likely Symbolic, Probably Boring

Two nights ago, I alternated between 3 dreams repeatedly.  I imagine they probably meant something as they were each very intense, but what they may mean is open to interpretation and as well, they may mean many things on many levels. I'm writing them here so I won't forget.  Ironically, I can't remember which dream came first so I will just go from least interesting to the really weird one at the end. 

I was at a school, somewhat similar to my old elementary school, and walking around outside on a busy street similar to a busy street that was in front of my old elementary school.  There was some issue about directions and catching the bus and getting home or getting somewhere. I was on the corner waiting and a bit confused.  Then a bicycle rode by without any rider.  It was moving by itself, which even in a dream, I thought rather odd and interesting, so I chased it down and grabbed it. 

Between the handle bars, instead of a person, was stretched something that looked like fabric, white in the back with a dark patch in the middle.  I interpreted it to be some kind of symbol or sign that gave information.  I spent some time studying the bicycle and wondering why/how it could move by itself.  I jumped between the other dreams and this dream of the bicycle a few times, repeating parts of it several times, until in the last segment of the episode, I concluded that the bicycle was some kind of fundraising vehicle that was sent out on automatic to gather funds for a project.  It even seemed like I had found some kind of written note to that effect somewhere in a small area of the stretched white fabric.  It occured to me that if that was the case, then I should then let the bicycle go on about its way now that it was 'explained' and its purpose was somewhat important. 

The 2nd ongoing dream also had me in a school, but it seemed more like how my old kindergarten school used to be.  All the other kids were in the classroom studying but I felt like that stuff they were learning was boring and too easy and I knew that stuff anyway, so I elected to stay outside and follow around a teacher that was doing something outside, even though on some level I felt that was kind of a bad lazy thing to be doing. 

The teacher was walking around the building doing this and that and I was basically tagging along and chatting a bit.  Then he said he had figured out a new shape for a knife that was different than the old shape and that he hoped it might work better.  He seemed excited about the new idea.  The new shape was a bit rounder near the hilt and longer and thinner at the tip.  He had me stick out my leg, which was bare, and he scraped the knife along the leg at some black squiggly things on the leg that looked like hair, but they did not seem to be affected by the knife.  Then he scraped harder at one and it seemed to become more exposed and easy to see, but it would not scrape away.  He seemed disappointed that the new design did not work better and that we would just have to continue on at the same rate as previously and that was OK too.  This dream too, kept jumping in and out with parts repeating, until finally the end with new knife and then the dream ended for good. 

The last dream, the last segment of which was the last dream I had before waking, involved a room that was reminiscent of several of my old bedrooms with white furniture.  At first, water was attempting to rush out of a big cracked and mangled corner of the room.  Water would rush and seep through mangled cracks, but a large box was stuck in the crack.  There was much consternation by someone that was around that this thing/box was stuck and being stuck was bad.  Who was the upset person?  I did not feel, ironically, that it was me, just someone around the area at first as if there was someone just out of my visual field.  Also, I had a vague impression of some kind of wailing or groaning made by someone, and that the water was contaminated and the walls were being rotted and contaminated by the process.

Next was several segments in which the water appeared to be going the opposite direction, this time rushing in from the crack.  The water seemed fairly clean and there was only a little bit of staining around the edges of the mangled wall parts.  I remember watching many times as water came in through these cracks and fissures in the wall and I got the impression that it was overall a good thing. 

Then finally, I looked behind me to see the rest of the room.  There on the other side of the room was a giant humanlike fetus thing.  It was basically human shaped but about 3 or 4 times too big to have been of a human.  It was also like part flesh and part skeleton as if the flesh part was not done yet and in some places, like on the hands, the skeleton was still exposed because the concept of the flesh was not fully formed.  Or like the flesh was more of a concept superimposed over a different structure underneath.  It was creepy looking and there was a kind of wailing or moaning coming from the area around it.  It thrashed in a strange relaxed way and light and mist seemed to swirl and flicker around it.  For some reason, I kept looking at the hands where the flesh concept didn't quite cover over the skeletons fingers.  Then I woke up.      

Sunday, April 8, 2012

The Place That Sounds Like Aum

For much of my life, I considered the whole concept of sitting cross legged with a few fingers pinched together chanting 'ohm,' or 'aum' to be really rather quite a silly thing altogether. Sometimes tradition can get rather weird and I could see no benefit to making such a pose and speaking such a noise. The concept of meditation itself made some potential sense to me but many of the trappings did not. Therefore, I doubt I had even once seriously considered that the sound 'aum' might have any significance whatsoever. To me, it was just some silly tradition.

Then one night something changed. Sometime in my early 30s I think it was, I had a weird dream experience. In the dream, I was at a place where there was a deep intense vibration. The vibration penetrated everything, and although intense, it was also strangely relaxing. It made you want more of it. In a way, the vibration was the experience but yet it was so much more than just a mere sound. Somehow, it was all the sounds of 'ohm' at once, the 'o' sound and the 'm' sound as well, all at once constantly. And forever and always was/is.

In this place/experience, I somehow just KNEW that this place, this ohm thing, was the foundation, the underneath of everything, it was that which was underlying all things. It was the underpinnings. I saw in my mind a kind of flat plane that goes on forever and a kind of gridwork that spreads out across space. The plane was flat yet it also slightly pulsed and vibrated. But I suspect this was just my conceptualization of it but not particularly how it might actually look, if it even has any real appearance to it such that light waves project to us here on Earth. I saw and experienced this for a while, and then I woke up.

Since that day, I have a new found respect for 'Aum.' Later research on the internet showed me that Aum is sometimes called 'the Primordial Vibration.' That seems a good name for it, although my only quibbling dislike about those words is that they in some ways imply that the Aum is in the past. I am sure that is not right. The Aum place is definitely in the now. I am sure it is down there right now underneath everything. You just can't quite remember it right now, but if you were to shift your consciousness just so, then you would remember it again.

In some traditions, aum is considered symbolic of this or that or whatever. I found I wanted to totally ignore all that talk. To me, Aum is the sound of that place/time/experience that underlies all things. It seems now obvious to me the word Aum is used because that is the sound you hear when you are there. There is so much more to that place/time/experience but perhaps the sound is the easiest for a couple of simple little Earth based brain cells to understand. Most of the rest of the Aum experience/place either can't really be understood well by the Earth brain cells or can't easily be put into words. I am sure that others have gone to that place/experience as well and they heard the same thing as me and Aum is such the obvious name for that place that many of them likely called it the same thing. They knew this sound was important somehow, this primordial vibration called Aum.

Personally, I don't know if actually chanting the sound really has much impact. Making the sound is not the same thing as that place. Or maybe the replicated sound could carry the tiniest little fraction of that place, a tiny influence on the psyche or a tiny reminder of what is underneath. A tiny of fraction of a very powerful thing could actually be more than a tiny thing after all.  In that way, maybe it does have some effect. And maybe you get more of whatever you focus on, even if your focus is dim. And maybe it will work if you believe it will work because belief itself has incredible power. So believe on! , all you folks who believe. Because belief has power and now that I've been there, That Place That Sounds Like Aum is, imo, a pretty darned cool place indeed!
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