Sunday, January 19, 2014

What would it mean to get married?


Another dream, I walk with him on the deck of the boat.  He bids me sit on a wooden bench and he sits beside me, dark hair, sparkling eyes, and a pure white formal uniform with many buttons which reminds me vaguely of a military uniform.  As we sit, I suddenly suspect what he wants and I become afraid.  I realize he wants to ask me to marry him, a marriage of promise made with red blood that will completely bind us for the entirety of my life.  Divorce would not be an option.  I feel he is a good man and I don't want to disappoint him.  I feel that I SHOULD be ready to marry him, that he deserves it and I owe it to him.  But the more I think about it, the more afraid I become.  I don't want to say no, but I feel that I really only just met him and that I barely know him.  It's too soon, it's too soon!  The more I think about it, the more I don't want to do it.  At least not yet.

Standing in front of us as we sit, an observer looks down at the two of us and tells me that if in my mind I do not want it, then it can't happen no matter what I say out loud.  Therefore it's already over, I have already said no even though I had not exactly meant to do so.  We will not get married, at least not now.  I feel saddened but even more so, I feel relieved.  I think about what a wonderful boyfriend I have and how much I like him.  I hang on his arm.  That's good enough for now.  End of dream.

1 comment:

  1. That seems like a positive probability dream. Not just for any literal meaning but also for having something great manifest, but not necessarily having to be staked to it forever in order to find joy in it.

    I'm late, I know, I just saw these entries.

    ReplyDelete

 
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