We Shouldn't but I Can't Stop

He came over unexpected that night out of the blue.  Why after all this time?  It had been so long, what did he want?  He acted like it was just a casual visit but we both knew there was nothing casual about it.  We hadn't even spoken in months since our work no longer brought us together.  Yibin, even his name churned up warm feelings inside me.  We had worked together on that project, sexual tension thick in the air and the two of us continually dancing around it, with our little suggestive jokes and accidental touches, but neither of us quite acting on it.  Once our assignments ended, we had walked away from each other as if there was nothing between us.  I knew I had made the right decision but yet I still could not help but miss him, even after all this time, a part of me still lingered on his memory.  

And then he came over unexpected out of the blue.  We exchanged banal pleasantries and for lack of a better idea, I started preparing him a meal.  The kitchen was a mess, dishes stacked up, if I had known in advance, I would have cleaned but too late now.  I found space on the counter to lay down a cutting board and started chopping vegetables and meat to add them to a fry pan, quick and easy.  Meanwhile, he quietly stood in the kitchen behind me, I could feel his heavy gaze on my back as I fidgeted nervously.  The food was almost ready.  I pulled out a clean plate and dug through scattered silverware in the drawer for a big serving spoon.

And then in a heart beat I felt him push up against me from behind and then stand still, his front touching against my back and butt.  He was tall, so tall that I could feel his long hard erection pressing against the small of my back.  My breath hitched but I tried to play it cool, still fiddling with the food, I tried ridiculously to pretend nothing unusual was happening, but I failed at even that.  Forgetting where I put the plate, where I put the spoon, he was reaching over my shoulder to help me sort the food.  I could sense a pleased smirk within his gentle few words helping me organize, he well knew I was spacing out because of him and it pleased him.  His assistance, surely by no accident, caused him also to press in even harder and in response, I took an almost imperceptible step back further into his body.  I wanted so badly to just wiggle myself back into him, I wanted it so badly but I knew I shouldn't.  I knew it was wrong but I WANTED him.

The food was now plated and in no danger of burning, which should mean that we would move over to the table to eat, but I couldn't move, I couldn't leave that warm pressure of him touching me.  I was shutting down now, my head was spiraling, the conflict between what I knew I should do and what I wanted was just too much.  So I just stood there not moving, not talking, my arms loose at my sides, I was frozen in place.  I knew it was starting to get really weird now, just standing there with no excuses and no words, but the time stretched on and all I knew was I did not want to lose this feeling, not even for a second.

And then I woke.